Somehow I realized that being alone can also bring smiles, laughter and happiness which I usually see from a girl walking the street beside her lover, holding hands. There would always be a time that being all by your self is better, more meaningful and a lot more fun than being with another person. Of course at the end of the day, we would all be meeting the love of our lives, so I guess I better enjoy being with myself right now. A problem about falling in love sometimes is when all emotions and feelings come rushing in, we lost control of everything. Forgetting about yourself, your own choices, your plans, and your dreams, and get all drowned in that mesmerizing illusion of love. I have to tell this to myself because my impulsiveness can put me into trouble. I will love the life I have today—messed up, funny and unguarded. I will do whatever makes me happy, without relying so much in my emotions and feelings I can associate to be like of a sixteen-year-old girl. Why, I’m happy. And I should keep myself happy. I know I don’t deserve a frown, melancholy or a whimper.  Things happen because they are ought to happen, and people came into my life because they are ought to be there. The length of stay, however, is very, very uncertain. Now the scariest part is when you get too attached and get so involved into someone without realizing that the person is only meant to be in your life for a short time. Your fault is when you let him/her stay more than what he/she is supposed to. Then it would be so hard to let go, or to forget, because for a while you have opened up your own, true self to that someone and let your emotions, and that person’s emotions be mixed up like puzzles which will never be completed in the end no matter how you try. Your life’s missing puzzle must be in the hands of someone else. This is scary… really. How will you ever know? Does life really wants to have our hearts crushed and broken first before we could finally find true happiness? God, I’m scared…

Sipalay Sunsets

              

          My current work requires me to be in Sipalay City for almost every week. The place which is approximately 178 kilometers away from the provincial capital of Bacolod City (or a maximum of 6 hours travel by bus) is adorned by so many beaches in sight. Sunsets here are quite dramatic. I feel like staring into a fire ball that slowly sinks down from that vast horizon, and giant fleecy clouds bathed in reddish and bluish hue looked like weary souls that stir the bitterness of isolation inside me. So what I did is to take some snap shots after office hours to keep myself some mementos of Sipalay sunsets. Every day is a different sunset. They never look the same. Each sunset appears to have its own particular story, just like each day in our lives. I got to say that life, most of the time, is just a series of monotonous events. I said it when I was dead tired. But actually, if only I am putting enough attention to everything that is happening in my surroundings, I could tell that there is a difference in every today from every yesterday. Each day is a unique collection of magnificent hours that gives us chances to pursue and hold wonderful things in this world. Today I will try to be more focused in everything that I do. I will try to finally garbage the word procrastination. I will never oversleep again so I will no longer miss thousands of great happenings and awesome moments. Today I promise that every word I swear, every promise I give, and every statement I utter is meant, cherished and worth believing. Life is beautiful, and our days are just numbered. Why would I waste time just playing around? Let’s do it meaningful.

It’s funny how some people manages to impress you in everything he/she does, without knowing that you have loved him/her just by being his/her own self. . .

Letter

To a future love,

Hi. I really couldn’t wait to finally meet you, though I understand it’s not yet the time. Wherever you are right now, please take good care of yourself. And in return, I would take proper care of myself too. Please don’t fall in love with some crazy bitch before me. I would never love to accept them as part of your past.  And hey, it would be of great help if you will learn how to cook. You see, it is something that I can’t do. And there are a lot more things I am not capable of. But yes, we will complement each other. I know I need not to be afraid of all my imperfections because with you, I would feel perfect. You would understand why I don’t eat raisins and why do I have severe mood swings most of the time. You would realize that I wanted my hand to be hold when crossing the street because sometimes I'm  just simply scared, and how I would want to win every non sense argument.  If I’m mad or pissed, just hug me. Just hug me tight. I am just a lonely, needy woman who doesn’t want to be alone. I can laugh easily, but I do cry like a baby. I could fall into a habit of tears sometimes, but I am certain that with you my tears would turn into smile. Please, don’t ever hurt me. I couldn’t stand pain.  I couldn’t stand loneliness.

 I would always wish for that day when I am finally going to see you. You can have everything of me. Own me. I would be willing to do everything for the person I love. And because I love you, I would try to control my emotions not to fall in love with someone else before you. I know it’s not that easy. I was, actually, having a hard time because there are people around me who could be just like you. Please, tell me if you’re near. I don’t want to make mistakes. I might fall in love with somebody soon, I’m afraid it isn’t you. I would fight hard to forget these feelings, it is not the exact feelings you wanted me to feel, right? I believe it is you if there are no more doubts and hesitations. You will make everything certain, and you will be the one to pursue me, right? I hope you understand how difficult it is to be a woman. I cannot just simply come up to a man and tell him that I love him. It is quite stupid to admit but in some cases women were expected to act frail and to just wait patiently. But if you only know how strong a woman could become by controlling all her suppressed emotions. Please, don’t let me struggle like this. I know you would take all the risks to get where I am, to reach for my heart and to create dreams with me that would almost surmount reality.  I believe in you. I would love to love you more than anything in this world. And I can’t wait to speak all these things with you in front of me, right before my eyes. We will see each other soon. Whoever you are, wherever you may be right now-- I know your heart was made to beat next to mine, to complete my own heart beat and to complete my life’s music. And I can’t wait for that day…

Counting happiness ^_^

If you think the world has grown so harsh on you, let me remind you, there is more in this life to be enjoyed compared to that little miseries you are over thinking. Pull yourself out of the darkness and see that there is happiness in all corners. Don’t fix yourself in negativities, you might just miss hundreds of wonderful things around you. Yeah, those little things that get unnoticed every day could actually be awesome and wonderful. Take time to listen, to observe, to watch. While I’m writing this I actually having a hard time breathing because of palpitations, but I cared not to stop because I love writing. I just like to unleash my thoughts and feelings through words. This makes me happy. And there are still thousands of things that could give me happiness, now I’m going to share a few. If you read this, why don’t you think of your own happiness and click on the comment button. Share your thoughts. I would love to read them.

1.     Sleeping soundly on a cold, rainy night is just so wonderful. I love sleeping and rainy night is just so perfect for this one.

2.    Seeing a cute baby girl being cradled in her mother’s arms. Heartwarming. 

3.    Having conversations while eating dinner with my parents. I laugh at every bite because Papa is such a clown. He jokes around almost every day. 

4.    Eating chocolates when I’m having my period. Yeah, it increases my serotonin. And minimizes my bad temper. Wonderful.

5.    Staring at my crush after summoning up all my courage, just to see that he’s already staring at me. I’m melting on my knees. Super great.

6.    Watching my favorite movie in the theater with my good, old friends after a belly-bloating meal. Awesome.

7.    Watching the anime Chobits several times, and still find myself in tears. The story is just so sweet.

8.    The feeling of having butterflies in my tummy whenever I see the person I really like, or having heartbeats in fast rhythm because he walked pass by me, and I thought I was getting sick. That is the most wonderful feeling actually. 

9.    Sitting beside a cute guy in a bus who started talking to me. (This happened last year). He had the guts to even ask for my facebook account. This is not awesome, nor great. But I can call it fun. 

10.  Dreaming about taking the board exams again (oh, this is such a nightmare) and I woke up to realize that it was all but a dream. What a relief.

11.   Reading myths about mermaids stirs my interest. I want to be, if not a fairy, a mermaid. This is serious.

12.  Going to class at 8:10 AM, which actually starts at 7:30 AM, and I ended up not being reprimanded by the teacher at all. I miss this one. 

13.  Spending the whole afternoon in the library because my ultimate crush in the university was there. He eats peas. Too bad he only sees me as a sister.

14.  Taking an afternoon nap beside my 9-year-old cousin who talks nothing but his fighting strategies in dOTA, Crossfire and Special Force. He mumbled and I was lulled into a deep slumber.

15.  Drinking coffee in mid afternoon while listening to my grandmother’s old stories in the farm. She talks a lot about some rare fruit-bearing trees and her little carabao named Rosel. I guess I saw that carabao when I was little. 

16.  Doing an all-night videoke and beer-drinking session with my college buddies. This is really fun. 

17.  Going to school unprepared for a scheduled quiz, then I learned later that my professor was absent. No quiz. Now that is happiness. 

18.  Watching the classic Tom and Jerry cartoons. I love their tandem. The cartoons can make my eyes close in just a few minutes of watching them. Could be use as an alternative for a lullaby (in case you are having insomnia)

19.  Reading detective and murder stories by Agatha Christie. The plot, the characters, the modes of killing and macabre—they give me the thrill.

20. Buying an aquarium fish from a stall outside the school. I wondered why the fish had such a bloated belly, just to find out the next day that she was pregnant, and she gave birth that night. The bad thing is, all her offspring died. But the thought that I bought a pregnant fish is just so cute. 

21.  Double-dutch flavored ice-cream. It takes away all my problems. 

22. Grabbing my sketch pad and doing some sketches when I feel bad. I like to draw and I love my hands, because they allow me to do so many wonderful things. 

23. Walking under the rain. Sometimes, I don’t really care if I get soaked, or I get messy. I’m not an organized person after-all.

24. Discussing with my father the movies we watched, like 500 Days of Summer and Letters to Juliet, or Pearl Harbor. He would then explain to me the point of view of different characters, in his own point of view. Then he would start talking about his childhood, of how he struggled to live his life. I would never get tired listening to his stories.

25. Curling my hair with a curling iron. I’m a girl, and I love playing with my hair sometimes. This made me wish I had sister so I could have someone to braid my hair, or share my nail polish with.