Japanese Bentos... how i wish... (nom nom nom)

 

Waiting

 

Nobody deserves to wait and hope for nothing. Have you ever asked yourself why would you keep holding on for a true love which unfortunately you have associated with the wrong person? Or spend your life wearily over a job you are absolutely unhappy with? Or compellingly laugh with people you know you can’t count on with when times get tough? Sometimes, it seemed so easy to say something like “step out and get yourself what you really want and deserves…”, but we often fail to do the same. Most people are just too afraid to face the truth, accept the real consequences, and take their selves out of their comfort zones. We always get chickened. Well, it really does take a lot of courage to face your fears, to confront your haters, or to tell the whole crowd what you really are when they think you are not. I’ve always wanted to get out of my own shelter and be real, but I, too, have been coward of sickening gossips, inquisitive eyes, and false judgments from people who love to point their index fingers at everybody’s misconduct. Life has been a mess because of them. But yeah, these people have all the chance in the world to give judgments, be it right or wrong, and I also have all these damn choices of whether to mind them or not. I better not care.  I know I don’t need to be cool or fun just to get along with other people. It’s like pulling out that “identity tag” I have in my body and putting on a mask and become somebody else. I should believe that in this growing world with so many complications, hatreds and envy going around, there would still persons who would love me just the way I am. People who would never care if I am difficult to get along with some times, if my jokes become lame, if my dressing-up sucks, if my speech fails, if I still do suck my thumb to get myself to sleep, if I bloated up, if I put on too much make-up, and a lot more embarrassing truths about myself. How can it be… some others would live their whole lives believing something about you which isn’t true. That is the very sad thing. If you have the chance to know the person, know him/her, don’t just weave imaginary things on your head, or rely on intriguing gossips. Think about it…

Yeah, yeah.. I know exactly how my coloring ability sucks.. hahah. This might be the last time I'll ever touch a watercolor...

Picture Perfect

Knife and Blood

Falling in Love =)

           This one is just an exaggerated representation of a girl in love. Some people say you’ll know it when you are in love because you would feel something weird like having a bunch of butterflies in your tummy when you are with that very special person. Then there would be bells ringing, or hearts flying everywhere. Yeah, yeah…I know I sound cheesier than a fifth-grader.  But I think it’s cute. The truth is I really do not know how to sketch a vivid example of a person falling in love because I haven’t yet experienced it myself. All I knew is when I like somebody, thoughts of that person would go dancing around my head almost like 24/7. So here go the butterflies I loved to sketch during the weekends. The butterflies actually represent every feeling and emotion that has been unspoken or unexpressed, but deeply felt. Like… errr… Now I do not know. Maybe I’ll be able to figure it out soon. We’ll figure it out…

To kill the boredom...

         I've been doing a sketch of this imaginary character for the past two nights. I can't wait for the weekend to do all the detailing, and coloring. This is the 2nd chibi I created. ^_^

·         Some people fall in love with swiftness and force of an electric shock, while with others the process is so gradual that the fact is not discovered until some accident or emergency reveals it to the interior perception.

            -A significant person had sent this message to me, four years ago. I should have known at that moment what this thing means. Falling in love doesn’t always come in a love-at-first-sight way, some may realize it when the other person involve is gone, or is away. So it was only after he left that I realize I was falling, too bad he was no longer there to catch me. I ran out of reasons to explain to myself that it was not love that I feel, that I was just longing for a friend who had spent valuable time with me. If I were mature enough at that time, things could have changed. Or maybe, it was really ought to happen… we are never meant to be together. It is only stupid to still have him in my dreams which always seemed so real. I’ve been relying too much on fate for a long time, now I realize I cannot just sit down here and wait till my true love arrives. It would be so pathetic of me. I’m letting go the idea of love. Let it find me when everything is set, when everything is proper, when everything is ready. When I am ready. I had so many chances of meeting again this person, but we never did. It must be the bitter truth… our paths have changed and are no longer the same. No matter how hard I try, I can no longer meet him at the end of the road. There must be someone else, some other person who has been waiting and is about the trudge the same path with me. And I know, right now, it is nobody’s responsibility to keep the smile on my face. I cannot go ask someone to stay with me and keep me happy. Nobody can…or nobody would. Maybe I am still scared that people would leave. One person did, and it’s really a sad thing. I’ll keep up and I know I’ll be good..

             How great it would be to have someone confessing his/her feelings for you without that fear of being rejected afterwards… Only just to let you hear what his/her heart is dying to say. Of course, it is such a selfless act, having not to mind whatever consequences it would bring. For the sake of love—of great love, people summon up their courage to tell you the truth. Come what may, be it unrequited love, or any. That’s what you call risk, some may call it bullshit, or a girl somewhere may call it sweet. A man’s bravery in telling what he feels sets him apart from all other guys who are just like scared, little boys who only resort to fooling around to preserve themselves from being heartbroken. Why would they always want to get assured first that a girl would love them back before pursuing her? It’s like playing the same videogame twice. You know you’ll going to win. They are tired of taking chances or venturing themselves into some risks which, on the other hand, might have them succeed. Rejection is such a cruel thing.

I took a three-seater row in the bus I rode in a while ago, and before it had finally reached the destination I have noticed that the vehicle was almost emptied by passengers. The rain had been pouring hard, and I stared blankly on the window, or should I say I was just staring at my own reflection. My fingers patted my leg as I listened to Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love and kept on gazing at myself in the window glass, whose opposite side was damped with raindrops I could almost imagined it forming the word ALONE. I sat in the middle seat, the seat next to my right I placed my baggage, and on my left was an empty space which gave me the creeps. Dark and raining, and I was riding on a bus all by myself with songs like Breakeven, Nothing and Bleeding Love on my earphones. Yeah, yeah… I was just getting so fucking emotional. This is why I really hate going through my pre menstrual syndromes, I think I’m going crazy. I feel bad tonight. I wanted to talk, but I don’t know who’s to talk with. Having a hard time figuring myself…  =(